Whoooooochilé!
Big Feelings abound. I don’t know about you, but these few days - just before the big holiday (around here we celebrate Christmas, but are secular beings) - there are BIG FEELINGS around every corner, in every nook and cranny, and sitting like the elephant in every room. Le sigh.
Yesterday, I facilitated a LabSpace class where we explored these intense emotional landscapes through a Moving Dialogues Workshop. I asked the question: What are you bringing to the table? We brought a cornucopia of seemingly disparate things: abundance, joy, patience, grief, gratitude, compassion, anticipation, etc. The dance we made was the exact experiment I needed to name and wriggle with the complexity of gathering with family, missing those who can’t, and hoping everyone who does gets along, damnit!
Our first guest, my niece, arrived yesterday full of 22yo energy and bounce. They are a gorgeous soul full of curiosity, wit, and a new sense of goal-oriented drive I am thrilled to see. As a family, we played a raucous game of hacky-sack in the den and let the younger set stay up later than we should. Fantastic. And, yet - I was grumpy and crabby at times. After all the exploration, identifying my stressors, moving through them, and thinking realistically about the coming weeks, I thought I could move through the day with more ease.
This morning, I felt the compounded stress and worry of knowing my O.G. kid and his partner will be arriving in the early afternoon. My brain immediately goes to all the tasks undone (things to clean, beds to make, floors to sweep) and the work tasks I need to complete. The meal planning. The last-minute gifts we need to procure. It’s hamster brain on overtime up in here. And, the grump. I perceive it under the surface. WTF? Why is anxiety lurking about?
This morning, I got on the treadmill, I hit the yoga mat, and I finally meditated. Throughout my mind said, Write it out. I had to get through my hamster brain, over-stimulated body, and root in the breath to make my way to the page. Here I am, acknowledging the pressure I have placed on myself to create lasting, positive memories this year. Here I am, admitting I don’t get to control that. Here I am, letting go.
Wishing you and yours a holiday season full of big feelings of the most joyous variety, foods you crave, and family and friends you hold in mutual love and appreciation. I also inviting you to also let go of whatever is lurking around causing any anxiety. :)
Thank you for your eyes and ears, heart, and mind - and all the wriggly matter that holds it all together.
Let’s keep moving. Together.
k.k.
I'm going through big feelings too! Sending love and laughs. May we move and groove together again someday!