I used to argue with my friend M often about her statement: Feelings aren’t facts. Turns out, I agree: Feelings aren’t facts. They are data. Important, often critical data meant to help us make decisions.
Maybe you already knew that, but do you practice it?
I mean, do you practice noticing?
Right now, we’re in the fraught period between major holidays where family pressure, monetary strain, and the seasonal blues collide saturating us with large, unwieldy, uninvited feelings. Ok, maybe you’re not oversaturated with big feelings, but I am.
And whew! I needed the reminder: feelings are data, not facts.
Meaning feelings don’t determine how I should behave. Often my behavior looks like:
Big Feeling + Big Reaction = Unintended Consequences
When I practice noticing, it looks more like:
Big Feeling + Sit with it and ask myself questions about it + Chosen Response = Intentional Outcomes
It sounds so easy, right? Wrong. I mean, it is easy to do - but it is very hard to build any new habit. It is especially hard to practice this habit when the big feelings are complicated by other people and their big feelings. Sheesh! Only one person with big feelings at a time, okay?!
Except that would make for a boring life, right? So, here I am - reminding myself (and maybe you, too) to keep interrogating those feelings, expanding the distance between reaction and response, and maybe enjoy this holiday season?!
Below are some tried and true methods I employ personally and with clients. I view this community as part of my laboratory - our laboratory. Give them a try and report back with results!
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